Being a step parent is a scary thing, even just the prospect of it can be scary!
I have always known Brian had a daughter, right from when we met long before he was my boyfriend, and it was never an issue for me. Right from when I knew I wanted to be with him I knew she was part of the deal and I was never concerned about it, It was just how it was.
Fast forward four years, he was my boyfriend and suddenly I was hit with the enormity of what that meant. Now for some background on us, we didn’t have the traditional date a while and decide if you want to take it further courtship. We had been friends for a long time and had some road bumps to get over before we could be together, but we had already made the commitment to be together by the time we started going out (going out? like we are teenagers?)
So there I was one day when it hit me, not only have I made a commitment to be in a relationship with this man, but I have made a commitment to be in a relationship with his daughter as well. While it still wasn’t an issue for me, I was very aware of how important that was.
Having had step parents myself from when I was 9 years old, I had seen the good and bad and I knew what an impact both could have.
So I have spent a lot of time thinking about the sort of step parent I want to be. Fun and warm and nurturing are the things that are at the forefront for me, the same as I would want to be with my own children, And I think that’s the key … ‘the same as I would be with my own children’. While we haven’t had kids together yet, we do plan to in the future and I would want my main goal to be equality amongst my children and my step child.
Now Brian and I have been living together for 7 months and we are getting ready to get married and I think Vanessa has settled into her new life with me in it. She asks me for permission or help just as often as she asks her dad and sometimes when she is talking to her friends I hear her refer to us as her mum and dad and that really makes me smile.
Over the last couple of months I can see she is getting more comfortable with me, she snuggles into me on the lounge and asks me to help her with her hair. I am a very cuddly person, I am always kissing and cuddling my niece but I have left it up to Vanessa to decide her boundaries, I never wanted to force anything on to her. I just make sure I am always open to any advances she makes.
So there you have it guys, I quick background on my journey to being a step parent. Over the next year or so as we get married and start expanding our family I’m sure things will develop and I will keep you updated as it does